Friday, July 23, 2004
Woke up after a couple of hours out of a nightmare again.
Screaming for help.
Screaming for no one impaticular.
Have not had nightmares like this since about 3 years after I left my Ex, and I dont like the fact that they are starting up again.
It has to be the current situation that he has put my son in.
He is stopping my son from starting college this fall by his lies, and false promises and Holier-than-thou attitude.
With NO Reasonable Explanation!!!
Everything was Planned!
I am paying the tuition, and the Ex was to cover all other school expenses.
I simply cant pay it all !!
And he knows this!!!
He cut off the money with no warning and now my son is planning on Not Attending?
Its killing me.
I know I am stressing out over it, I know all too well the synptoms that his presence causes me and I am slowly getting really scared.
The hives are starting again.
The swelling is starting again.
The nightmares are starting again.
I almost died in Texass because of him and I will be dammed if I let him do this to me again.
- Bad Night
by Jovianne Elizabeth
@ 12:42 PM
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Thursday, July 22, 2004
At a Loss
At this point I am at a total loss.
RE: The Dork
My son's dad aka The Dork, finally sent an email to his son.
In it he explains after some serious thinking, that as he does not approve of his son's choice of college's, he will not aid him in any way.
Now, bear in mind that this is the same man, who just 3 months ago, promised his son money for off-campus living expenses, and a car for college.
There was never any 'condition' put on this promise.
I am just sick over this, and my son is in disbelief.
Everything has been planned for over a year now . .. .. . Everything
And for what?
With what I make, I cannot afford this Unexpected Expense to send him to school as planned.
There will have to be several changes in his overall game plan, but what is killing me most is that my son is saying he just wont go for now.... Its making me ill.
What is wrong with the good solid college of West Virginia University?
- At A Loss
by Jovianne Elizabeth
@ 7:07 PM
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Wednesday, July 21, 2004
Snail Mail
Okay, so the mailman went into shock this morning when he saw the new mailbox.
I don't blame him, I am still amazed it is actually there.
I was suprised that there weren't as many bills in my backlog of mail then there were.
The past few years I have come to love email, and the internet.
I pay my bills online
Do my banking online
and of course the beloved emails.
And now the Blogs. Another way to use the internet and keep in touch with not only our friends and families, but total strangers.
So why in the happy heck was I so perturbed over the lack of a snailmailbox?
I missed it.
I missed the weekly cards my mum's friend June sends
I missed the weekly junk ads flyer
and I still have not yet received the pictures of my new grandaughter that my oldest son was supposed to have sent out last month!!!
So yeah, I still like SnailMail.
Coffee Time.
- Snail Mail
by Jovianne Elizabeth
@ 2:26 PM
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July 21, 2006 at 1:01 AM
Mail anyone?
the world can go back to being normal now,
I have a real mailbox,
on the post,
at the end of the drive again !!!
(party time in PA tonight)
Okay yeah, a bit of sarcasm there.
I have just had a hard time understanding the long delay in getting this taken care of. ( I know, never end a sentence with a preposition)
They blew the mailbox up.
They said would get a replacement.
then They dissappeared for 2 weeks.
Anyhoo, its done.
I called the Post Office who said my mail from the past 10 days will be here in the morning, and that regular mail service will be resumed.
Thank Goodness, now I can get all the bills I cant pay.
- :::Mail Anyone?:::
by Jovianne Elizabeth
@ 4:10 AM
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July 21, 2006 at 1:02 AM
Monday, July 19, 2004
Another Monday
Made it thru the weekend, without too much mishap.
Yesterday was wonderful.
Had a lovely talk with mum, twice actually.
Got some good solid work done in the garage (converting half of it into a library so I can be organized, maybe)
Good reading time in, on the porch, with coffee.
Cats actually behaved too, hmmmm wonder why?
(they are probably plotting something)
So today, Monday, is starting out good too.
Did some research on here earlier, on HTML.
Maybe I can get this email link to be active yet.
So far no go tho. (say that 3 times fast)
Its killing me because I was making web pages constantly on here years ago.
I think all my knowledge is too far buried in my brain for easy access.
Other than work, dont have too much lined up for today.
I wonder how long a person can go on only 3-4 hours of sleep out of 24.
I figure sooner or later I will crash but its been like this for the past month.
I do need to get to Wal-Mart and get some more pillows for the daybed in the computer room, its looking a bit peaked, with the new spread, and needs more colour. Makes for a good reading spot when its too nasty to be on the porch.
Need more coffee.
Later.
- Another Monday
by Jovianne Elizabeth
@ 8:53 AM
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Sunday, July 18, 2004
There is hope yet for today.
After spending over 2 hours on here this morning hacking into my own template, trying to get it to do what I want it to do , and its still messed up...... I gave up.
Got away from the puter for a while.
Went to the store, No Lines!!! (shocking)
Came home, made a fresh pot of coffee (bliss)
Fed the birds, squirrels, and chipmunks
Found a book I have not read in a while (Katherine by Anya Seton)
Sat on the porch, read and had a cup of coffee.
Its one of those rare July days - - - the sun is NOT beating down, its cool and breezy.
Think I will hang onto this good mood for a while and leave the template alone for now.
Back to my book.
- There is Hope yet.
by Jovianne Elizabeth
@ 12:45 PM
0 Comments:
Updates. Let's see...
The Mailbox:
A new one now sits proudly. . . on the floor of the front room.
It was delivered by the blonde bimbo friend of the mailbox murderers late Friday afternoon.
I have tried and tried to remove the remains of the old one, stil clinging forelornly, yet stubbornly, to the post outside, but alas. . . the rusted bolts are refusing to give and I am out of ideas on how to get it off of that dang post, short of running over it with my car.
I am open to any suggestions.
The Spider in the Sill:
HE is GONE!
During yesterday's rains, I noticed that he had 'left' his web so I took the opportunity to grab a yardstick and scrape out his 'home'. Bear in mind that this paticular window is approx. 20 feet above the ground.
Then cleaned the entire window, fan included, and throughly sprayed the windowsill with "BugBeGone' stuff. The window looks great, the fan is running beautifully again, and so far, no signs of my SillSpider.
Maybe he got the hint.
Its either that or he is residing just below,
out of site. . .
plotting my demise. . .
The Dork:
Nothing.
Nada.
- A Few Updates
by Jovianne Elizabeth
@ 8:33 AM
0 Comments:
Am I wrong in my anger?
July 4th . . . the neighbors had a party.. fine, cool, okay. 3 friends of theirs showed up with handfulls of M80's. As boys will be boys, they had fun..... BUT........ as they were leaving the party, they put an M80 into my mailbox and blew it to smithereens. Part of it is on the roof of my house.
They were confronted the next day, and apologized and I was told a new mailbox would be installed on the 6th.
Ummmmmm its the 16th?
I have not received mail in over a week as my mailbox does not conform to standards.
The post office is holding my mail until I get a new mailbox.
The people that did this have been putting me off for days that it will be taken care of.
AAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH
I received official notification on my door handle a bit ago, from the post offifce that my mail service has been suspended indefinetly. Soooooo I went to the neighbors.
THEY ARE ON FRIGGIN VACATION FOR A WEEK !!!!!! a stupid bleached-blonde bimbo informed me that they are on vacation. Then had the nerve to slam the door in my face because I woke her... at 11:30 in the morning. Uh Hello??? you are still sleeping now because????? the bleach affected what little brain cells you had?????
Can I cry now?????
I need a Kiefer Fix.
- :::Am I Wrong?:::
by Jovianne Elizabeth
@ 7:48 AM
0 Comments:
This Song Has No Title.
Spent most of this morning over coffee, again, and listening to Elton. I think the man is sheer genius and one of my favourite songs he did was This Song Has No Title. Its from his Goodbye Yellow Brick Road Album, ummmm 1973, I think???
Tune me into the wild side of life,
I'm an innocent young child sharp as a knife,
Take me to the garretts where the artists have died,
Show me the court rooms where the judges have lied.
Let me drink deeply from the waters and the wine,
Light coloured candles in a dark dreary mines,
Look in the mirror and stare at myself,
And wonder if that's really me on the shelf.
And each day I learn just a little bit more,
I dont know why but I do know what for,
If we're all going somewhere let's get there soon,
This song's got no title, just words and a tune.
Take me down alleys where the murders are done,
In a vast high powered rocket to the core of the sun,
Want to read books in the studys of men,
Born on the breeze and die on the wind.
If I was a artist who paints with his eyes,
I'd study my subject and silently cry,
Cry for the darkness to come down on me,
for confusion to carry on turning the wheel.
And each day I learn just a little bit more,
I dont know why buit I do know what for,
If we're all going somewhere let's get there soon,
This song's got no title, just words and a tune.
Actually tho, anything that Elton and Bernie did was totally awesome ! Anyone remember "Don't Shoot Me I'm Only the Piano Player" I wore that album out!!! Still have not found it on CD... and yes, I still have my vinyls from way back when and still have a working turntable.. gawd, I'm getting old. . . . but, well preserved.
- This Song Has No Title
by Jovianne Elizabeth
@ 7:47 AM
0 Comments:
Midnight
- Midnight
by Jovianne Elizabeth
@ 7:46 AM
0 Comments:
Just Pondering.
Been thinking about my life. . . such as it is.
See, I am in this self-imposed empty shell right now, and I rarely have contact with people. Actually, I am very hesitant to approach people because it seems as if, no matter what, I end up being misunderstood and hurt. So about 3 years ago, I wrapped myself up in a very thick concrete wall, and its still here.
I learned how to not need anyone. I learned how to simply not answer the phone until it finally stopped ringing. I finally had it disconnected as I didnt use it. I quit 'going out' with my friends. Online friends? I have kept in touch with two. Two out of the dozens I used to have. The two, Kev and Chris, dont agree with my self-imposed walls, but they still love me and understand when I go thru weeks of withdrawl.
So I sit back and wonder why? Why did I do this to myself? Am I ready to get out of it? Am I ready to actually consider going somewhere else other than the grocery store???
And I have no real answers. Sometimes I get very lonely. Thats when I grab a book or watch a movie. I have made it sooooo easy on myself to be alone. I often feel that I am content this way.
Usually.
Lately, I'm finding my own walls harder to maintain.
- Pondering
by Jovianne Elizabeth
@ 7:43 AM
0 Comments:
Anyone for Coffee?Waiting for my coffee and reading the news. . Excite Odd News the Olympics Torch 'found' several cannibas farms during its run thru the countryside near Athens.....
Strikes me as funny. Wonder if they just 'torched' the farms???
Yeah, warped sense of humour here.
I dont know.... odd mood this morning. Probably lack of caffine, have not had coffee yet. Its brewing!!!
One of these days I need to find another coffee partner. Few years back a friend of mine, who had moved away, she and I used to meet almost every morning on here thru AIM, had our coffee together and talked. In some odd way , it was if she had never moved away at all. I miss her. She was my best friend for eons, and is happily married now, living in CA. We dont speak as much anymore, due to the time difference and two very different lifestyles.
- :::Coffee anyone?:::
by Jovianne Elizabeth
@ 7:39 AM
0 Comments:
Waiting for Dawn
3:30am
Waiting for the dawn, wondering if its too early to start the coffee..... probably is.
Been listening to music, playing stupid games on here, trying NOT to THINK! As soon as my head hits the pillows tho, my mind goes into overdrive on all the junk I am trying to not think about. Its been quiet out tonight... we were supposed to get thumderstorms, but they missed our area by several miles... I like storms. The winds, noises, cool rains.... often find me on my front porch as they approach, just listening. . . watching. . . waiting.
Maybe someday I will figure out what I might actually be waiting for.
Sometimes loneliness isnt all its cracked up to be, but its a small price to pay for piece of mind.
Ive got good dreams and goals,its just that the toll of the past 3 weeks of grief of what my son's dad is doing to my son, is really wearing me down. Sometimes I think you can try to do everything right,cover all areas, and still get kicked in the ass. My ass is pretty sore lately, the EX is kicking it a bit toooo much, and yes, I am aware that I am letting him, but its those dammed triggers of his. we were married long enough that he knows how to still set me off, and is better at it now than he was then. . . . And its not like I am letting him 'get me' on purpose. It just happens because I probably never truely got over the truama of our marriage in the first place.
I dont know. Maybe I should just make the coffee and go work with the books while its still cool enough to do so.
Incredible poetry and graphics:
.Belledora
Shayna's Pages
Poof Cat
Blue Eyes Place
- Dawn
by Jovianne Elizabeth
@ 7:38 AM
0 Comments:
Can you even imagine what it would be like to look up into the night sky and see something like this?
Northern Lights
This pic is from WebShots.com by the way.
Someday I will get there. To Alaska. I am determined.
I may not move there, will probably move back to WV someday, but I really,really,really want to see Alaska. Dont get me wrong, the beach scene is nice, Ive been to a few, but with beaches follows humidity!
Besides, I look at it this way when it comes to outdoor temps... there are more fun and interesting things to do to stay warm, than there are to cool off.
- :::Can You Imagine?:::
by Jovianne Elizabeth
@ 7:35 AM
0 Comments:
Dork Update
No word back yet from the Dork in TX about the college situation. Kinda scares me to not hear anything, makes me wonder if he is driving up here to confront our son in person. Geeesh I hope not, I dont need another breakdown ( I break out in hives when I see him) and dont want to see Nick hurt. Ive never really seen Nick so angry as he is with his dad right now. why cant the Dork just accept the fact that Nick is intelligent and is making good decisions? And why has the Dork not even let Nick know how proud he is of his graduation status??? Not once has he told Nick that he did a good job, he is just angry over the college choice, and emailing Nick over what poor choices he is making. AND. . . only one member of the Dorks family even bothered to acknowledge Nicks graduation at all!!! Nick has 8 aunts and uncles, with extended families, and of course the Dorks mom and nothing. . . . no card, no email, no phone call .. nothing. Nick's overall G.P.A. was 4.61!!! Hello????
Its like a family with no feelings or emotions. To me that seems so unnatural. They dont even hug. And that aint right.
- The Dork Update
by Jovianne Elizabeth
@ 7:33 AM
0 Comments:
Some 'Book' Links
Bookreporter.com
Authors on the Web
Online Library of Literature
Literature
The Online Books Page
- Book / author Links
by Jovianne Elizabeth
@ 7:32 AM
0 Comments:
Its not the heat, its the humidity.
How I hate that expression, but it is soooooo true!!! So once again, I didn't cook dinner. Too friggin hot. However, at 4:am, its not such a bad time to cook, so got a pot of chili simmering on the stove. Family receipe, grandme taught mom, who in turn taught me. Same with her breads, however baking bread is definetly a winter option only. Wonder how humid it gets in Alaska? I lived in Texas for almost 3 years, and let me tell ya, I did my time in Hell. SATX. Tiny trees, fake rivers, brown and dull green colours, flat as a pancake and boring. Now no offense to anyone who might actually be living there by choice, but I grew up in the Allegheny Mountians of West Virgina and that state knows what real colour is, what trees are, what rivers are, what mountains are and its just simply the most wonderful place in the USA.
Simply a bit of heaven.
Blackwater Falls WV
So nice and cool
I did not take these beautiful pics, I am not sure who did, they are from collected WV pics that I have found over the years on here. My scanner died or I would have a lot more photos on here.
Time to check the chili, and surf a bit.
Later!
- Its Not the Heat, Its the Humidity
by Jovianne Elizabeth
@ 7:30 AM
0 Comments:
Just some more books
Okay... been out in the garage again, attempting to figure out what is going on with my books. It really bugs me that they are soooo out of order. I like finding things where I left them. Must be the friggin cats... The youngest one 'talks' frequently, so why should she not be able to read also???
James Michener
Chesapeake
Poland
Carribean
Alaska ! my fav by him
The Covenant
Bernard Cornwell
The Winter King
The Archer
Excalibur
Vagabond
Stonehenge
John Jakes
The Kent Family Chronicles all 8 editions
North and South
Love and War
Heaven and Hell
Tom Clancy
The Sum of All Fears
The Hunt for Red October
Some Misc Stuff:
Margaret George
The Autobiography of Henry VIII
Mary Queen of Scotland and the Isles
Both very interesting, if you like history
Nathaniel Philbrick
In the Heart of the Sea
(The Tragedy of the Whaleship Essex)
Excellent read, is the true story that Herman Mellville based his work "Moby Dick" on.
If it has been written by Harold Robbins, Stephen King, or Dean Koontz, I own it and have read and reread them all.
- Just some more books
by Jovianne Elizabeth
@ 7:28 AM
0 Comments:
Saturday, July 17, 2004
Cat's & Ex's
Okay great, now all 3 cats are up and creating havoc in my house. Seemed like a good idea at the time to get them...
Found these wallpaper sites a little while back:
Unicorns Universe
Visual Paradox
Webshots
Caedes.net
2D Desktop Wallpapers
Still thinking bout this ex-husband thing I got going on here. . . married twice, first time for about 7 minutes, was a case of opposites attracting, I was pregnant, he wasn't. Second time, I thought I did it right and boy was I ever wrong. Thank the Lord he lives in Texas and only irritates us thru e-mails. He is upset this week over my son's choice of college. WVU - - - West Virginia University - - - great school I went there, my ex went there, his father taught music there, my parents both taught there... its kinda the family school. So why in the happy hell is the Dork upset????? My son wants to go into Forensics, which seems like a good career choice to me... but I am merely mom, and guess my opinion doesnt count. But, the Dork is sooooo upset, he is cutting off all future funding for my son's education. Now how is that for total dorkiness?????
- Cat's & Ex's
by Jovianne Elizabeth
@ 4:46 PM
0 Comments:
Night
I like the night.
The silence, the darkness. Sometimes the brain goes into overdrive tho. Pondering things that make no sense. Falling into a deep chasm of the mind...
Then out of the darkness the cat jumps on my lap. Why do they pick the worst times to want attention?
She weighs 11 pounds!
Some really nice art links here:
The Art of Jonathan Earl Bowser
Shortcummings.com
The Art of Jim Warren
- Night
by Jovianne Elizabeth
@ 4:44 PM
0 Comments:
Another Sunday
(okay so its Saturday night,and I can't sleep) another day in the making. Decided to go thru my library and better organize it. Wait... that will take too long... maybe just a few of my favourites for now.
By Robert Ludlum
Okay, now who had the brilliant idea to cast Matt Damon as Bourne?? Obviously someone who had never read the books.
Kiefer Sutherland would have been more appropriate and more enjoyable to watch
The Bourne Identity
The Bourne Supremacy
The Bourne Ultimatim
The Chancellor Manuscript
The Gemini Contenders
The Holcroft Covenant
The Icarus Agenda
The Matarese Circle
The Scarlatti Inheritance
The Matlock Paper
. . . am missing some
By Clive Cussler
If only Dirk Pitt were real!
Flood Tide
Shock Wave
Inca Gold
Sahara
Dragon
Treasure
Cyclops
Night Probe
Iceberg
Blue Gold
Serpent
Vahalla Rising
Blue Gold
Click here for more on Clive Cussler
By Jean M. Auel
Clan of the Cave Bear
The Valley of the Horses
The Mammoth Hunters
The Plains of Passage
The Shelters of Stone
By Edward Rutherford
Sarum
London
Russka
The Forest
- Another Sunday
by Jovianne Elizabeth
@ 4:25 PM